The Usual Suspects

Since I spend a bit lot of time perusing twitter, it is now the primary source of my indignation levels. Yeah, I’ve given up watching television news because I like my TV. (By the way, I’ve given up watching local television news. It’s beneath contempt and I have yet to find I’ve missed out on any information of use. Abolish local TV news.)

And so it came to pass that this came tumbling through my timeline: The “Pretty or Ugly” Video Phenomenon written by a Meg Meeker, pediatrician.

Meeker, MD, reports that “a disturbing activity” has surfaced from our “tween” daughters. Tween, eh? OK doc. This “activity” is so disturbing because it involves “young girls posting videos on YouTube asking complete strangers to pass judgment on them.”

Gasp!

Yes, you heard her: “complete strangers.” OK. That’s it? No! “complete strangers” including “Old men.” Old men? Yes! Old men. AND “teen boys, teachers, pimps, maybe perverted grandfathers.”

As you may not know, but are about to, teen boys are dangerous, maniacal beasts who will, upon watching your daughter’s YouTube video will judge them! As if that’s not bad enough, old men, those sick, sick, sick sicko bastards will also pass judgment!

Oh wait, there’s more! Teachers, too! Wait, not teachers!!? Oh yes, teachers. You mean Mrs. Smith in homeroom? No, not her? Who? Just teachers? And what’s this, pimps?!!

Fuck no, not pimps. Anything but pimps. Pimps passing judgment on YouTube videos. What is the world coming to? Where do we go to hide from pimps watching YouTube videos? Nobody expects the Pimp Watching YouTube!

Oh but the last of this group of malodorous reprobates watching YouTube videos has got to be the absolute degenerative worst of the vile bunch: perverted grandfathers. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Perverted grandfathers, in whom we have placed the trust and care of our beautiful—or maybe not so beautiful, you’ll have to judge—daughters, watching them on YouTube. Pervertedly watching them on YouTube, no less.

Gasp, gasp, and triple gasp!

This bumbling buffoon should be stripped of her medical license, she’s so fucking dumb. The effusion of stupidity, the sheer riptide of “logic fail” in lumping pimps, teachers, and teen boys in the same lecherous group watching YouTube videos.

Here’s the problem: what these stupid girls are doing by posting on YouTube is the same thing they’d have done elsewhere and are possibly doing elsewhere. It’s narcissism at play, attention-seeking, whorish attitude. Trying to tie this to a “neediness” problem stemming from low self-esteem is ridiculous. There are no more high self-esteem people in the world than teenage American girls. It’s preening, pure and simple. Mom and dad “hugging” daughters to tell them they’re beautiful isn’t going to do anything to stem the tide of these videos because it’s got nothing to do with self-esteem.

Even if it did, daddy or mommy hugging a teenage girl has never proved to bolster self-esteem and even if it did, by the time these dumb girls find it necessary to post these videos of themselves on YouTube, it’s already too late. Mommy and daddy have both failed as parents.

The last thing these girls are is “innocent” or “lovely.” How many times have parents and others been positively shocked by the goings-on among these so-called innocents? Girls fighting tooth-and-nail over all sorts of trivialities and posting those videos on YouTube. Two 11-year-old “lovely”, “innocent” girls fought to the death recently, over a boy it is speculated. Lovely.

Some will say cruel things and potentially wound them emotionally and some may like what they see and track these girls down.

Oh spare me! “Wound them emotionally”? Give your daughters self-esteem by “hugging” them because they’re so fragile (when they’re not tearing each other’s eyes out in competition for boys), so lovely (when they’re exposing themselves all over the Internet. Google “self-shots” if you dare) that mere words will emotionally destroy them.

Meanwhile, all those men old men, teen boys, teachers, pimps, perverted grandfathers (I can’t type this without getting enraged afresh) sharks are swimming around on YouTube emotionally wounding these lovely, innocent girls.

Are you so out-of-touch with reality, doc, that you actually believe this shit?! Are you so daft, so stultifyingly stupid, that you think this is the problem? If so, anyone who takes their kids to this pediatrician should have their heads examined.