Measuring Meetings

The last post was going to be my last for the day until, that is, I came across this gem: Measure Meetings With Action.

Oooh, this one comes as a Balm of Gilead at the right time! Last week, I attended a meeting that goes down in my book as the worst meeting I have ever attended. It was long and boring. Actually, it wasn't so much a meeting as a platform for the delivery of mind-numbing “news” from the Biggest Blowhard this side of Old Faithful.

I mean, this fucking guy was bad. The fucker would ramble on, stop, take a few seconds to laugh at one of his inane jokes, then continue the drone. Oh, I tried to interject, if anything to stop the aural abuse, but Dipshit would. Not. Be. Deterred.

In the end, no one came away with anything but puzzled looks and one hour of life wasted. Utterly wasted. As in, nothing of any value happened during that interminable hour.

According to this wondrous post (which shall be finding its way into the Fucker's mailbox):

Ideally, meetings lead to realizations that result as action steps assigned to individuals with deadlines. Realistically, most meetings are fruitless.

Fuck it! I'm going to quote the whole damned thing:

As we measure the value of meetings, we must realize just how costly it is to interrupt the workflow of each team member, literally stop all progress, and consume all brainpower with one topic. Clearly, meetings must be planned sparingly. But most teams plan meetings as liberally as they buy coffee.
Behance has come across a few habits of especially productive creative teams (from across industries) that we should all consider in our day-to-day work.

• Beware of "Posting Meetings." A meeting to “share updates” should actually be a voice-mail or an e-mail. Rule of thumb: if you leave a meeting without action steps, then questions to value of the meeting (especially if it is recurring).

• Abolish Monday Meetings. Gathering people for no other reason than "it’s Monday!" makes little-to-know sense, especially when trying to filter through the bloated post-weekend inbox. Automatic meetings end up becoming “posting” meetings.

• End With A Review of Actions Captured. At the end of a meeting, go around and review the action steps each person has captured. The exercise takes less than 30 seconds per person, and it almost always reveals a few action steps that were missed. The exercise also breeds a sense of accountability. If you state YOUR action steps in front of YOUR colleagues, then YOU are likely to follow through.

And when meetings end without any action steps, it is your responsibility to speak up and question their value. Just don’t plan a meeting to discuss it.

Hallelujah, Amen, Praise Be to the Most High, Lord God of Hosts.

Fuck me. I'm off to send fifteen copies of this post to Assmunch. After which, I'll print it out and FedEx a copy to his every known address. The next time he goes down on his wife, he'll see a post-it of this fucking article.