E-E D

I received my copy of the Evasion-English Dictionary today; I liked this small book so much I couldn't see not getting a personal copy. The library's will be going back this weekend. I've already blogged about this book before, but here's another entry I really like:

does = doesn't
Hindsight is 20/20? So is insight

Does this dress make me look fat?

In the history of that question, only a fool has answered yes. Yes isn't an option. "Does this dress make me look fat" is not a yes-or-no question. It's a no-no question. Those are your options.

It's also a classic does question, setting up the listener to be not a yes-man but a no-man: "Nooo, that dress doesn't make you look fat. What? Fat? I can like, barely see you, you're so thin in that dress!"

I always feel glued to the floor when somebody hits me with a does question that turns out to be an end-run around the word yes. "Does this dress make me look fat" is the most trivial of the does questions, so go ahead, ask me the question, I'll tell you the lie. Reassuring you about your looks carries no down side.

But the stakes are higher when the does question comes in the form of "So I made one stupid mistake. Does that make me a bad person?" This question often elicits from the listener reassurance or sympathy about behavior that the listener might consider stupid or unwise or even appalling. The most unsettling does questions come up in our various arenas of confession. Talk shows--our monster markets--give occasion to people who unabashedly confess, apologize profusely, indulge in a good brawl, and then wrap it up neatly with the question, "One mistake! Does that make me a bad person?"

Any heartful person wants to check the impulse to say, "Yes, yes it does," and might prefer to keep silent, but silence isn't an option when you're buttonholed. The does question is faux-rhetorical; the speaker wants a hug, so the listener ends up lying instead of lying low.

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does = doesn't

I thought I could entrust my children with him. He'd been so good with them. Am I a bad parent because I take some time for myself every once in a while? You know, I'm not old; I like to go out too, just like everybody else. Does that make me a bad person?

So I made one stupid mistake. I said I was sorry. Believe me; if I could take back the past twelve years, I would. I wasn't mature enough to handle the responsibility of a family, and I didn't have the brains to think about it beforehand. Things just got out of control. I just made one mistake. Does that make me a bad person?

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"If you don't consider what happened in Oklahoma, Tim is a good person."

--Michael Fortier, former Army pal of Timothy McVeigh, at the Oklahoma City bombing trial.