Another Snoozer

Canada, Oh Canada.

Canada’s like that weird cousin you don’t want anyone knowing you’re related. The opening ceremony for the Winter Olympics in Vancouver was an exercise in boring, especially after China’s. One would think that knowing the immense success and wonder of that opening ceremony, Canada would feel itself put under pressure to, if not surpass, then to at least match it for pomp and pageantry. Yes, I know there’s a big difference between the Winter and Summer Olympics, but come on.

I knew we were in trouble when the opening shot was of a lone snowboarder falling down a mountain to the grand accompaniment of the announcer’s recitation of past Olympic cities and the years (“Stockholm, 1952!”). As the kids say, “whatev!” Canadians simply have no sense of the immense.

I couldn’t muster the energy to continue watching past the first half hour, but I learned that, no surprise!, their torch lighting went off like a wet sock to the face. B. O. R. I. N. G.

The one part of closing ceremony—if one can call it that with a straight face—that I saw had a decrepit Neil Young strumming his guitar and blowing into a harmonica(!) as the torch fizzled out. Pfft. Good riddance to one of the most boring two weeks of television.

Before I close this post, let me mention that example of suck: Apolo Anton Ohno. This guy’s a grandstanding jerk-off. Several of those medals he “won” were by default, better skaters ahead of him having spun out—or in the last case, having been pushed by the jerk-off himself. I expect some would say that’s part of short track speed skating, but the hubris the dumbass showed after each race with those fucking fingers. Ugh.