Religion

By rights and tradition, I'm a Christian. An utterly non-functioning one, with many doubts. Oh, I believe in God all right. But sometimes, on certain days, when the wind stops blowing and the sun grinds to a halt, a flitting doubt raises its head and asks, what if? like an antithetical Still Small Voice.

If I were anything else religious, I'd have been a Buddhist. I am attracted to the almost philosophical (read logical) approach to religion, two bitter enemies ordinarily. Well, maybe not bitter, but certainly strange bedfellows.

Then I realized that in many ways, Buddhism's central tenets take control out of one's hands. It's too easy to say eh, toss up the hands and settle down into some deep lotus position, eight muthafuckin' path, deep meditation and let the world spin on. Karma, neh?

I appreciate the futility of keeping too hard a grip on life which is like attempting to hold on to a spinning top, but yea gods, surely, we can do something? Like the American I have become, I am intensely uncomfortable doing something by doing nothing.

I dabbled with atheism for all of a few months. Again, it appealed to a deeply held sense and love of logic, and that flitting doubt I spoke of earlier seemed satisfied when I answered no god. However, I believe Man is incomplete without a spirituality; a need, if you will, to believe in something or someone Greater Than oneself. I don't recall who originally said it, but if God didn't exist, it would have been necessary to invent him. Of course, the staunch atheist would say that is exactly the case. More power to them.

All I know is, there are a ton of atheists who scream like petulant children seeking attention, each one bearing some puerile, half-baked grudge against God. Cries of You Don't Exist! with shaking fists litter in their wake along with mostly unfunny attempts to shock(!) those fucking Christians, as if that were so brave. I'd really like to see one of them put their money where their mouth was and utter the same in front of your friendly neighborhood Islamofascist.

Sheesh, way to go off trail. This all started because I saw that one of my favorite blogs, Dark Roasted Blend, featured the construction and destruction of a Mandala:

Incredibly intricate, monks traditionally constructed these with finely-ground colored stones after creating a design on a surface.

After back-breaking work and intense concentration, the monks simply and ritualistically destroy the work:

Signifying the transience and futility (perhaps?) of life.

Zhaozhou questioned two new arrivals at his temple.

He asked the first monk, “Have you been here before?”

The monk said, “No, I haven't.”

Zhaozhou said, “Have a cup of tea.”

Then he asked the second monk, “Have you been here before?”

The monk said, “Yes, I have.”

Zhaozhou said, “Have a cup of tea.”

The head monk asked, “Setting aside the fact that you told the one who'd never been here before to have a cup of tea, why did you tell the one who had been here before the same thing?”

Zhaozhou said, “Head monk!”

The head monk responded, “Yes?”

Zhaozhou said, “Have a cup of tea.”