TV

About the only thing I do religiously these days is watch TV. I like the so-called “reality” shows, alas. I have some comments on a few I've been watching lately:

Top Chef (Bravo TV)

Unbeknownst to me, the practice of holding one's fork as if it were a hammer is now de rigueur. This is a deplorable, and ugly development. I would expect it from untrained, uncultured people, but in a fucking Chef? Tom Colicchio is the chief judge of this show on Bravo TV. He eats like a caveman—he wraps his fingers around the fork, tines down, and stabs at the food; or he splays out four fingers on the upper side of the handle with the thumb underneath, then awkwardly twists the arm to bring the food to the mouth.

By the way, the graphic on the left is from a Mormon (Utah, where else?) newspaper article from 2005. The accompanying caption reads: “Riehl shows correct way to hold knife and fork to cut chicken.” What the fork fuck?

Hey Tom (and any other members of the Great Unwashed Masses), the proper way to hold a fork is to balance it between the first knuckle of the middle finger and the tip of the index finger, while using the thumb to support the handle, like a scalpel.

What happened to Padma's arm? There's a long scar down her right bicep; knowing she's Indian, the mind instantly conjures up images of dowries not getting paid and acid attacks.

Och, now I feel bad. Turns out she was in a car accident.

Hey Paula (Bravo TV)

Is a wreck.