Ad Nauseam

So yesterday, I was driving my precious, 7-year-old Honda Civic to Radio Shack (so I could build this) when the driver of the van ahead decided to change his mind about the direction he wanted to go. Twice in as many seconds.

I'd been driving behind this monumental tool 2T-er (Twin Falls County, ID) for the last minute or so and from the way he was driving, knew he was going to be a menace. Idaho's most populated county is Ada, the others are mostly rural. Residents of those counties have no idea how to drive in “big cities.” R and I joke those folks would be shot if they tried driving in Florida. So when driving behind a driver with anything other than 1A plates, watch out.

And I was. Mr. 2T decided he wanted to get into the left-turn lane—where I wanted to turn myself—changed his mind midway and darted back into the right lane, then turned on his left-turn signal and made as if he wanted to get back in the left-turn lane! All at 40 miles per hour.

As any sane person is wont to do in like situations, my hand received a coded message from the brain: beep at this sonofabitch! Let him know there are others sharing the road. Instructions carried out, a sharp beep burst forth as expected and I looked on in satisfaction as the asshole ahead awoke from his brain freeze and decided to stay in his lane.

Only, the sharp beep didn't stop. It had now turned into a high-pitched mournful wail as I realized the horn was stuck. Oh no. I looked around in half-a-panic, attempting to pry loose the horn button and attempt to drive at the same time with a red light on ahead.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Bloody fucking hell. At the red light now and I'm still trying to pry the horn honker loose, my fellow red-lighters looking on in amazement.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!

Fuck! I turned off the car, thinking in my half-crazed state that the action would stop this infernal racket.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!

Nope, that didn't work and the light was turning green. I turned the car back on and attempted to drive forward, but nothing happened. What now? I looked around and saw the car was still in park. Jesus! I changed the lever to P and drove forward, the horn accompanying and enveloping me in a cloud of intense sound.

After the turn, I turned right into the parking lot of a supermarket, the one thought in my head to stop the fucking noise. Pulled into a parking space and went to the trunk for my toolbox only to realize it was at home. I knew I had to stop it and that the battery was the only way that I knew how, but I needed to loosen the wire first and without tools, it seemed I was doomed to bear this beep until the battery died.

Fuck this. I opened the hood and started feverishly trying to prying loose the lead wire. Back and forth and hooray! The blessed silence. Round 2 to Fred.